What happened?

I finally got the words to write about how I have felt this past week. It happened from the end of January 2021 to this first week of February. I’ve been out – simply out.
It all began when I attended a goal planning workshop between the 30th and 31st of January. Now, the sessions were fantastic in terms of the wealth of knowledge and training delivered. However, those same sessions were the first trigger to why I became numb all over. For me, it was as if I had a self-surgery, and it was painful. For example, on day 2 of the workshop when I had to access my financial health, I understood the extent of debt I was in from 2020. And the initial shock of that state was a lot. I went on two days later to write about the shock I was experiencing on social media using these exact words…

The way I've been trying to move on from 2020 is like the year never happened.
It happened yeah. I lost a job, my family here moved to another city, I moved houses, I got in debt, I went through emotional pain from all the death news.
I cried, I prayed, I cried again, I prayed again.

The year happened yeah. And it wasn't my fault ah. You see, I've been trying to set my 2021 goals, though the level of shock I'm going through is a lot. It's really a lot that I don't even have the words to explain it.

Now, I'm not blaming the year 2020. No, I'm only just healing from the year. And heal I will. Heal I will.

'The LORD nurses them when they are sick and restores them to health." - Psalms 41:3

Now the second trigger and I believe the most painful was this: I lost an elderly sister in the fellowship in Orléans. The shock…it was so painful that I took Tuesday off the job. And all through the week, I was just trying to pick myself up in bits. I would cry a while, sing a while, pray a while, write a while, and breathe a lot. I loved her (and I can’t even believe this is in the past tense now). We smiled together, talked together, fellowshipped together, cleaned the Church building together, went back to our various houses in the same car and tram. We were together on various occasions – and now she has slept. WHAT? 😢
So, I took the week off to get myself in a place where I could write again. For me, that post I put out on social media helped me a whole lot. The love I felt from my community was beyond amazing. 💖 They loved on me, they prayed for me, they spoke words into my life. For instance, one of my sisters and friends, Tessa Doghor said these words…

"You are a force to be reckoned with on this earth. Never forget it. 👑👑👑"

…and that literally lifted my spirit off its feet. It was powerful.
Personally, I would love to do that for others. I pray for the courage to use words and intentional care to be there for others. I have and I know friends that are mourning, friends that are in a frozen state of shock from the year 2020, friends that are trying to run this year 2021 in a bleeding state. And I sincerely need them to STOP! please stop and heal first. In fact, I need us to STOP! and heal first. My own healing has been gradual and I’m still on it by God’s grace. And this is the next stage of it; I want to care for the friends that I know who are hurt. I want to simply speak a powerful word to them that can lift their spirit up, by God’s grace. A word of care that can literally lift them off the shock – and then we could all heal together – one day at a time.

So help me GOD, with the courage to act. Amen.

2 thoughts on “What happened?

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